Here I am.
Yes, I am aware a week has passed since I last posted. And, I realize I initiated this documentation of my reinvention. I promised to post here daily with whatever was happening, and I’ve failed. But I have not given up. [And thanks to those who feared for my safety, imagining I drowned in the river as I crossed the border.]
This week was an interesting example of life being as it is. Unexpected. More complicated than one supposes. Other peoples’ motivations, needs, fears, and schedules/obligations bumping up against our own. I will not bore you with the cluster-fucked-upedness of my move, and how bone tired I have been the past few days. Really couldn’t even type, if I’d been so dull as to think you’d really want to read the blow-by-blow. It’s behind me now.
I did consider uploading a week’s worth of posts to catch up, and hesitated at the monumental task of my doing it and then you needing to read/process it. No!
Instead, let’s start with celebration. I made it to Kittery, ME… in one piece, my things (most of them anyway) as well. I’ve been here part-time since Thursday (slept on my puff, too tired to even make my bed for several nights), but today felt like I finally was here. So, lobster and champagne was tonight’s menu – with a side order of boxes. It will be like that for a while.
This mid-life move surfaced emotions that suggested themes I’d like to explore this next week. My 50 Day KABOOM! will stretch to 60 days. Sorry. That’s the way life is.
But back to celebrating. Here’s the big deal. I wanted something. I imagined myself in it. I felt it. I did things to make it happen. I moved to the area that I felt would give me the juice to make all of my other dreams come true.
I went to college at the University of New Hampshire. Lived my early adult years (big time) in Portsmouth, right in the middle of everything: food, music, artistic expression, ocean. Felt good (most of the time) in my skin.
I think it has something to do with geography (my college major, and that puppy has to be good for something!). Maybe it’s Willa Cather’s quote: “All those early memories. I cannot get another set.” And, intuition. Definitely a sense of place and rightness.
I’m eager to find out what it feels like 23 years later. I thought my big bad life would be played out here, and now I’m back.
Let’s see what I do with the gift I’ve given myself. Will I use it as a catalyst for positive change, or find that I am the same no matter where I lodge? Mmm.